My heart is empty… but full


How do you explain and how does it make  sense that the very thing you hated in your life is finally gone, but you sit there wondering why you feel so empty and you actually miss those emotions and feelings that have haunted you everyday for the past few months… go figure
Service to others can take a toll at times on you. Even more so if that someone is a close family member. To live their life and walk in their shoes gives life new meaning and understanding. And that gauntlet can take you to deep dark places you’d rather not be. But you go with no questions asked, determined to make some difference in that lost soul. 

You experience the bad, the angry, the calm, the hope. You see a glimmer of light cg that seems to be growing with each passing moment you spend together, only to fade and disappear. There are many ups and downs along the way but you are resolved to see it through to the end, however long it takes. 

There is hope and peace somewhere in all this. I truly believe the Lord keeps an eye out for you, me, us, if we but turn to him. And turn to him I did. Big time. 

Such has been the last two months of my life as I tried to piece together a precious life. It consumed me, nawed at my bones and literally bugged me to death. I was so involved I couldn’t sleep and thought about this person every waking moment of the day… or so it seemed like.

But today it’s out of my hands. Someone has taken over. Someone to help and continue the loving, the helping and making sure this life has a chance to succeed. It ended just as abruptly as it began leaving me with a hole in my heart and a soul still wanting to know what else can I do. 

Life is so crazy. The very thing you hate and complain about still naws at your heart even when it’s lifted from you. I find myself going back in time wondering why this happened or could I have done it differently. Remembering my feelings , thoughts, actions. My judgements, attitude, complaining. Did I make a difference? I think so. I hope so. 

I have changed. My heart is empty but it’s also full, know what I mean…

Hero: I still marvel at the miracle of birth…

  This is a repost: “Nine months of hell, a life time of heaven…” I didn’t have a chance to see her little body come into this world. At that time our (old school), doctor still was not letting the husband experience the birth of their child. As I sat in the waiting room for what seemed days, the concern for wife and daughter (or son) was unbearable and the anguish, exhausting. 

Yes, we didn’t know what we were getting, how novel an idea. It was exciting, it was a mystery, it was wonderful, I was a mess. Dr. Saiki comes in and tells me I have a new baby girl and all is well. He was a great doctor, a little on the gruff side but we liked him. His wife was a Hawaii senator and very popular. So, off I go to see my wife and new daughter wondering what life had in store for us. Knowing that this life changing experience would forever leave its mark, it was a big mark, I was a dad. 

As I entered the recovery room, I could see my wife looking as if she has been run over by a mack truck. “Get this kid away from me!” she screamed. I knew she didn’t mean a word of it… probably a  natural reaction. My comments would have been far more expletive I’m sure. I could never be a women, as weak as I am. So, I gave her a big hug and told her how proud I was of her. That didn’t help out much either. “Everyone please leave me alone”, and out the room I went. My job for the moment was done. I gave her some space and she rested… She was my hero. 

Just Saying…   Hey Gang 

It goes without saying, life’s greatest job is that of a father. Some agree, some don’t, I do! After all, when it’s said and done and the armor of life is stripped from you, and you’re standing there alone, to be judged… what are you left with? Only family

Lost Soul… A photo entry

I wanted the feeling of total loneliness, maybe lost or forgotten.

We’ve all been there at one time or another. Life can drag you under, keep you there ’til you and only you decide to get yourself out. Find that one thing in your life that matters most, grab it and pull hard.

For me it’s my family. What’s yours?

Aloha all,

Photo: A favorite oldie of mine edited many times over. Taken at Punalu’u, Hawaii

These hands of mine…

You can tell a great deal about someone just from looking at their hands. 

Smooth and soft as a baby or hard and rough as a construction worker, hands can generally dictate what a person is all about. Take mine for instance, (really the only pair I know well), a hardy handshake to a warm embrace they have traveled far and wide experiencing both the good and the not so good. And for some reason it’s my hands that seem to be in the best shape ever, for which I am so grateful for. 

After 60+ years of life they can still do their magic, helping along the way to those I love or even those I don’t know. You see, it’s what you do with them that make all the difference. I appreciate the fact that I still have ’em. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying hands make you a better person, far from it. Because I know people with no hands that have a more productive life than most…  I’m saying it’s the way in which you use them that determine the person you are.

So maybe it’s time we all took a second look at our hands and think about where have they been and where are they going. Young hands, old and wrinkley, whatever you got, put them to better use… Today!    Cheers all, Pete